What blame and excuses are really telling you
by Brenda Do
It’s easy to hide the fact we’re hiding. But most of us do it.
For example, how many times have you not done something, not gone somewhere, not make that phone call, not gone to the gym, etc. with the excuse:
• Well, I would have but…
• I couldn’t because…
• He/she was being…
• (And the all-time favorite) I didn’t have time…
When you hear yourself saying these excuses or blaming others for your situation, you’re hiding.
The big question is, what are you hiding from?
Odds are, you’re hiding from your own fears. Most of the time, they’re subconscious fears, so you don’t know they exist.
Maybe it’s the fear we’re not enough. We’re not smart/handsome/talented/experienced/(and so on)…enough.
Or it’s a fear we’ll be rejected or laughed at.
Or fear we’ll disappoint someone.
Or fear we’ll embarrass ourselves.
The thing is, fear is all in our imagination. You’ve heard that before. I bet there are loads of examples from your life where you overcame a fear, looked back and realized, “Hey, that wasn’t so bad!”
Think of the first time you learned to ride a bike or swim. Scary at first, right? But I bet it isn’t scary now, is it?
Fear is just our minds messing with us. More importantly, fear is a giant neon sign pointing inside to let you know you’ve got a subconscious belief (or more likely several) that keeps you playing small.
That’s why I’m learning to like fear. Because fear is an opportunity.
An opportunity to break free from those subconscious beliefs that keep you stuck.
Just think of the many ways fear holds you back. It’s what keeps us from
• Quitting unfulfilling jobs
• Finishing what we start
• Making time to get tasks done
• Following our passions
• Starting new relationships/ending old ones
• Expressing our true feelings and thoughts
• Zigging while the crowd zags
I truly believe all of us are born brain bogglingly brilliant. We all have something to offer the world that can enrich people’s lives. This could mean being a creative hair stylist to creating a cure for cancer.
But most of us never see our brilliance. Because our imagined fears hold us back. As a result, we cheat ourselves…and the world.
So how do you stop letting fear keep you from experiencing life in all its juicy fullness? As a start, know you can never fail. There’s no such thing. Failure is our mind messing with us.
As someone once explained, “I’m not failing, I’m just collecting data.”
Just like how Edison invented the light bulb after 1,000 unsuccessful attempts. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”
Or how Henry Ford went broke 5 times with various businesses before he succeeded.
Each “failure” was a stepping stone. A lesson. An experience. More data.
Remember, these people couldn’t succeed without collecting that data. In other words,
You succeed each time you fail.
So really, you can’t fail. And you’re not failing. You’re just collecting data.
This data could be experience, knowledge, self-awareness, meeting new people who will open bigger opportunities for you…anything.
The next time you feel yourself making excuses not to do something, or hear yourself blaming someone else for not achieving something, STOP. Acknowledge the fear.
Then – and this is the important part – ask yourself what you’re really afraid of.
Really take a few moments to get quiet and be honest with yourself.
With that fear in mind, consider this:
You are freaking brilliant. You can never truly fail. Everything – and more – you desire is waiting for you to claim it. And it’s right around the corner.
Knowing this, are you really going to let that little fear get in the way?
So collect those “failures” with pride because only by pushing yourself past your fears will you be able to live the gorgeous life waiting for you.